No More U.S. Troops To Afghanistan!

Bewilderingly, a new Washington Post-ABC News poll shows overwhelming support among Americans to send 17,000 more troops to Afghanistan.

To do what, exactly? Usher in a new era of rainbows and kittens?

The time to invade, occupy, and partially decimate what was already one of the most vicious hellscapes on Earth has surely come and gone. We've already taken out key parts of the Taliban and Al-Qaeda, installed a new Afghan "government" (in name only), and, except for possibly a new generation of jihadism, 98% of the country is still pretty much exactly as it was before we entered. So why beat a dead horse? Location, location, location.

We're certainly not the first ones to try to get our arms around this part of the world. Here's a fun list of some of the more memorable Afghan invasions and occupations, going back almost 2,000 years. (Spoiler alert! None of them end happily.)

Propping up puppetry in Kabul while allowing the border between Afghanistan and Pakistan to simmer and churn, while doing nothing to stem the growing (and mostly welcome) influence of Taliban forces in the in between countrysides, is nothing short of delusional. Call it Operation Enduring Madness.

This part of the world surely is worthy of our attention, and we must do more to stem the tide of human rights abuses, terrorism, and drug trafficking, but we can't do it with a paltry 17,000 U.S troops. That's like squirting water guns at a four-alarm fire. It's not going to happen.

I'm all for Obama, and I support most of his policies, but this one surely is lunacy. In this case, the mantra should be, No We Can't. We'll never make a dent in this inner ring of hell that somehow passes for a country.

Never.

My Oscar Predictions

Actor In A Leading Role: Sean Penn
Actress In A Leading Role: Anne Hathaway
Actor In A Supporting Role: Heath Ledger
Actress In A Supporting Role: Marisa Tomei

Best picture: Slumdog Millionaire

New This Mortal Coil?

No, This Mortal Coil hasn't reunited to make a new album (sadly), but they may have been reincarnated into an amazing, young British outfit called Antony & The Johnsons.

I heard one of their songs earlier this week (Another World - watch the video here) and I couldn't help but think of the painfully quiet and churning loveliness of TMC's last two albums.

You can find out more about Antony & The Johnsons at their website (free downloads!). I hope you will louvre them as much as I do.

Let Them Fail

I am sick to the teeth of two-faced conservatives, who have had things their way pretty much since Clinton's second term, drag the rest of the country along for their own private identity crisis.

Go have Oprah hold your hand. Get it out of your system.

For years we've heard nothing -- nothing -- except moans of adoration and worship at the altar of free-market enterprise. We unleashed a new (albeit temporary) era of unaccountability and adventurism with laws like the Commodity Futures Modernization Act, which suddenly made legal what was formerly illegal. With the doors flung wide open, lenders and borrowers went bananas in a financial orgy of Biblical proportions in a country already heavily addicted to debt. We climaxed in a housing bubble, and now we are basking in the warm glow of our homes ablaze.

I don't save all my blame for republicans. I'm plenty pissed at both. On the Obama side we have what amounts to foxes guarding the hen house and a president who seems too distracted by spectacle and self-reflection to get anything of substance rammed through.

But I save my real vitriol for the hypocrites who tut-tutted at Washington's attempts to enforce accountability and regulation when times were good, and now limp back to our nation's capital, hat in hand, begging for help. Yes, by all means: bail out the banks, bail out the car companies. Oh, hey - and can you bail them out again?

A true Darwinist approach to the free market system would let things run their course, let the chips fall where they may. After all, isn't that exactly what we've been hearing from conservatives? "Let the market work itself out. Let the ailing fail, let the strong multiply. Get over it."

So the new lockstep, anti-spending mantra coming from congressional republicans rings quite hollow. In for a penny, in for a pound, as the saying goes. We've already spend billions of dollars helping private companies avoid financial collapse. We've given banks simply oodles of money to start lending again, and it didn't work.

So now we get howls of anger from the GOP over Obama's stimulus package, and even over the new foreclosure legislation aimed directly at helping real people. Republicans smell pork. Funny, they didn't smell any farm animals when we were spending the same amount of money helping bank executives redecorate their offices and pay out huge bonuses to the same fucktards who helped bring about this foolishness in the first place.

Oh, and now we have another Bernie Madoff. How many more clowns like this are going to come out of the woodwork? Is our entire financial apparatus built on wishes and rainbows?

Clearly both sides of the political divide got their hands dirty on this one. Only this time around it's the democrats who look united and consistent while conservatives look like a roving gang of high school thugs who, after beating up a bunch of fifth graders, go crying home to mommy when the fifth graders come back with older siblings to exact revenge. (Of course then they make faces in the windows after safely inside.)

This is not capitalism. This is the ultimate nanny-state.

Why Yes, I DO Need Help Reducing My Debt!

The latest debt-reduction robocall I received got me thinking. What would happen if I engage the next opportunity instead of just hang up?

I did a quick scan of online threads and conversations, hoping to find some good techniques to use. All I found were prank call videos, lists of various ways to announce the intended recipient's untimely death, red-faced rants and warnings. The only bit of useful information I came across was the idea that a telemarketer's time wasted by your conversation is time taken away from other potential fraud victims.

That's good enough for me, but what else can I get out of it?

I've already registered my number with the national Do Not Call Registry, so the only ones that still come through clearly are not legitimate outfits -- and therefore are asking to be seriously fucked with.

I want to be careful, however. I don't know the level of sophistication of the person that will eventually emerge from behind the requisite recorded greeting message. If I play it wrong, I could actually make things worse for myself. This is what I wasn't able to find online: How do you know how far you can really go?

I stop far short of yelling and violence. Finding ways to irritate the person on the other end of the line might be fun for some people, but I could care less. I'm equally uninterested in games you can play to see if you can get them to hang up first. I'm interested in bigger fish. My aim is three-fold: find out how much information they have about me, get as much information as I can about them, and report everything I can get to the FTC.

I start with the assumption that they might know my name, number and city of residence, but that's probably it. The rest is pure improvisation.

TM: Robo-greeting.

ME: !

TM: More robo-greetings.

ME: Waiting patiently...

TM: "...push one to find out more."

ME: Push one.

TM: Hi, there! How would you like to see your monthly credit card bills cut in half?

ME: Hi, who's this?

TM: This is Name of Company.

ME: No, what's your name? I like to know who I'm talking to.

TM: This is Paul.

ME: Hey, Paul. How's it going tonight?

TM: Not too bad, how about you?

(Establish a friendly tone and get the caller to relax a little.)

ME: Yeah, I heard your pitch on the recorded greeting, and I'm totally on board. I can't believe you guys called me today. It's... I mean... I can't tell you how much I need this right now. I'd really like to sign up.

TM: That's great! Let me just get some information from you. Is this Jason Herrboldt?

ME: Who? No, this is Mitch Walker. Do I still qualify?

TM: Mitch Walker? Sure, let's see if we can set you up.

ME: Oh, Jesus. You have no idea. I've been juggling balances, my APRs are through the roof, and I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.

TM: Yeah, that's why we're calling. So just to verify, do you have, say, more than $20,000 in debt?

ME: Yes.

TM: And are you making more than $35,000 a year?

ME: Sure.

TM: And how many credit cards are we talking about?

ME: Hang on. Shit, where's my wallet? I have three credit cards, if you can believe it. Jesus. What the fuck happened to these pants?

TM: Your, uh...

ME: Yeah, I totally got splashed by a bus on my way home tonight. I had to change as soon as I walked in the door, and now I can't find my wallet. This fucking weather. Hope it's better where you are.

(The call can really only go one of two ways at this point. A savvy TM would know that I am fishing and would throw up a wall and just relentlessly pellet me with questions. Here's hoping it goes the other way.)

TM: Yeah, It's pretty bad here, too.

ME: You guys in Toledo?

TM: No, we're in... wait, where are you?

ME: Toledo. Aren't you calling from Toledo?

TM: No, we're in California. So we can get that APR down to zero percent for you right now, if you...

ME: Totally! I mean, I keep switching them around, trying to get a lower rate. But you know how it can be.

TM: Right, so you can...

ME: Where is it? Dammit.

TM: ...lower annual rates with no minimum balance transfer...

ME: Listen, my cell phone battery is almost dead. Can we move this along?

TM: Sure, can I just...

ME: No, I mean my phone is almost dead. How can I reach you if we get disconnected?

TM: Do you have another number I can reach you at?

ME: No, this is my only phone. It's just that, if we get cut off I want to make sure I can still get that one-time low offer.

TM: I can't give out our number...

ME: Why not? Isn't there a number for your front desk there? If we're going to do business I need to know that I can reach you in the future. If I can't get you I want to at least get someone in your department. Don't you want my credit card information?

(This is the nuclear option.)

TM: Oh, sure. If you want to...

ME: Because I'm ready to sign up right now, and I know you guys need a down-payment.

TM: How many...

ME: I just need to know how it's going to appear on my statement. My wife watches our credit cards very closely, and I need to tell her what to look for.

TM: This is Name of Company, but we're not the bank you'll be doing business with.

ME: Right. So... shit. Seriously, I'm about to lose you. I've got my credit card information ready to go, but I want to make sure I don't lose you.

TM: OK, you can call our main number at 888-888-8888.

ME: There it is. I found my phone charger. I'm ready to go. My credit card number is... Are you ready?

TM: Yes, go ahead.

ME: Wait, did you say lower interest rates for a whole year?

At this point my only hope would be to keep the TM in a guessing maze long enough to give at least one hard working American a chance to eat dinner in peace. If it actually works, I will have confused the caller about my name and city of residence, forced them to cast doubt on the screen prompts before them, and gained the following information about their outfit:

• The name they are currently doing business as
• The first name of the person calling me
• The city they are calling from
• The number they are calling from
• Their pitch
  

Does The GOP Want America To Fail, Too?

Rush Limbaugh, in openly wishing the worst for President Obama, has set the tone for the next incarnation of the wounded beast that is the GOP. Could they have possibly picked a worse cheerleader?

Having been roundly ousted from the White House and Congress, republicans are lashing out in all directions. Each new tantrum proves less effective. The House republicans stood in solidarity with Rush, refusing to help (or to hurt) Obama's proposed economic stimulus package. Some of their counterparts in the Senate, mistaking Obama's goodwill as democratic blood in the water -- how stupid do you have to be? -- now openly wonder if the bill is dead on arrival. Talk about tone deaf.

Don't get me wrong; I'm all for Senate deliberation on what is surely the most important bill in our generation. I just think the GOP crew needs to go quietly sit in the corner for a minute and get used to the idea that they lost their majority in the Senate, they lost even more of their tenuous grip in the House, and they lost the White House to a democrat. For some reason passing all understanding they are still strutting like they own the place.

Pounding the table and screaming for more tax cuts and less spending until red in the face is a risky venture. Obama rightly pointed out this week that tax cuts seem to be the modus operandi of the GOP in good times as well as bad. He also rightly pointed out that eight years of GOP control of fiscal policy has landed us in the worst financial crisis the world has seen possibly since the depression. Republicans surely should stand for what they believe in, but it wouldn't, you know, kill them to show just an eensy bit of humility these days.

Obama will more than likely get his stimulus package, but then it's up to the gods. The recovery can go well or it can worsen. If we continue in our free fall, republicans in the Senate can sit back, cross their arms, and savor a small political victory of having been ineffective in preventing more bad news, which is kind of like congratulating yourself for not falling off a log.

If on the other hand the stimulus package appears to work and the economy gets better, the party of Regan might as well trade in its private jets for some canned goods and camping gear; it would be lost in the wilderness for an age.

Banking on Obama's -- and America's -- failure is the stupidest stance the GOP has taken in a while, and we've seen some doozies in the last eight years. Insisting on being sore losers and refusing to play along just until we pull ourselves back from the brink of complete destruction is an iffy move. Somebody needs to tell the GOP (and their lapdog Rush) that we can fight later. Let's put out the fire first. I guess the party of Regan (and Hoover) has to show us they still have balls -- even if that means banking on our collective failure.

Republicans hate to say they were wrong, and in so doing fail to self-correct. Thank Christ almighty Obama doesn't share that fatal flaw.

Jon Stewart: Public Office?

Banks, bailouts, corporate jets, eye-rolling, a return to common sense, the word "virtues," blue collar sensibility, complex economic policy, a thinly veiled threat to take to the streets if things don't change...

Is it me, or did Jon Stewart just announce last night that he's running for public office?  

What's so surprising is that if he is going to run for office, I think he could actually win an election either as a democrat or as a third-party candidate.  He already has a die-hard liberal following, but the tones he struck last night were decidedly populist, decidedly working-class.  He was whipping up a regular "Hey, what about us regular folk?" frenzy. 

Even the rhythm of the show was different.  His monologue was shortened, a rushed Wyatt Cenac report was crammed in between commercials, and he cut right to his main interview without the traditional walk & greet. The meat of the show was all about the nitty gritty of modern tax policy.

Something's afoot.  

I'm thinking that if he's serious, if he runs, he could completely co-opt the intellectual elites and the Hillary crowd at the same time, and dude -- that's an election.  

Watch last night's show, think about it, and see if you can make me a liar. 

Ray Kurzweil-Inspired University Website Doesn't Work

This just in from the desk of way too much irony.

The Chronicle of Higher Education reports today that a cadre of forward-thinking uber-geeks is unveiling a new university to stay one step ahead of the technological curve.

Here's the money shot:

The hope is that such communication will speed the use of technology to cure diseases and solve other major problems, while helping to understand emerging technologies to better avoid potential downsides of radical new technologies.

Radical new technologies like... the internet? What makes this paragraph so painfully poignant is that the link to the University's website given in the article is not currently working. Not at all. Even if you Google "singularity university" and click on that link, you still get the ominous"oops" message from Google as shown above. (A message, I must admit, that I've not seen before today.)

Wow. Not an auspicious start for so ambitious a project.

Wix - The Sweatshop Breaks EP

This is my 1996 EP about smoking weed. Every minute of every song is dedicated to this most excellent pursuit.

Heavily influenced by the intelligent jungle movement of the mid-‘90s, I took it upon myself to smoke as much buddha as I could lay my hands on and combine sampling, timestretching, jazz, breaks, vocals, and atmospherics into one stoned-out listening experience. The result is a collection of early drum & bass joints that pay homage to my (then) musical heroes.

(I heard they don't allow you to play this EP in rehab because it causes relapses on contact.)

Wix - Wanted.mp3
Wix - Oak Street Bluesman.mp3
Wix - New Word.mp3
Wix - Starflex.mp3

Fun side note: this EP had limited release (read: I handed out copies to everyone I could in the tri-state area), and yet somehow they know about it in Germany.

Stoned-out thanks go to Ray Keith, Bay B Kane, Miles Davis, Goldie, D'Cruise, Roni Size, Krust, Herbie Hancock, Dillija, Squarepusher, Moby, Andy C, John Coltrane, Photek, LTJ Bukem, Alex Reece & dj Pulse (same guy?), dj Rap, Danny Breaks, and KBEM FM in Minneapolis.

Old skool jungle! What, what?